Inability To Express
by Tori Yuki Ichimura
Summary: SH, masochism, and suicide. As always, portrayed negatively. 1x2 3x4 stated but never acted upon. Short enough to find out for yourself.


            Quatre looked up from the book in his hands with a start. Something wasn't right. He knew it, deep in his heart, that one of his friends was hurting. It was a feeling that had always been there, so insignificant at first that he hadn't noticed it, but now it was a burning wound rather than a throbbing ache.

            He hadn't figured out which of his friends it was, except for Trowa. It wasn't him. The bond he shared with Trowa was one of inexplicable and unadulterated communication. He would know if Trowa was the one.

            Heero? No, he had Duo. Duo? No, he had Heero. They had just found each other after living in the same house together for almost three years. Those two were off in their own little world, and had been sure to hang a deadly serious 'Do Not Disturb' sign on the entrance.

            It could be Wu Fei, but somehow that didn't seem right. Wu Fei had his own world too, but it was one of almost childish simplicity. There were no grays in his perception of life, only strict black and white. He was either drowning in sorrow or smiling a mile wide… inside. Outside, his stony poker-face could compete with anything Heero or Trowa could contrive. That left only one option…

            Duet.

            The poor girl. She had thought Duo loved her, but now Duo belonged exclusively to Heero. It wasn't anything anyone had ever counted on, but it had happened. She hadn't been terribly distraught, had she? No, she still wore that smiling… mask. It was a damn mask!

            Quatre leapt from his seat, throwing his book violently to the ground. How could he have been so blind!? It was Duet who had been hurting all along! The pain burst inside his heart again, fiercer this time. It clawed at his soul, grasping for purchase, for anything to support itself, but it slipped away again. The blonde boy stumbled, slamming into the wall next to the door frame and clutching his heart. It hurt so bad…

            He managed to stagger to his feet, but a new wave of pain engulfed him, seizing his mind. It echoed through his chest, trying to tear his heart to pieces. It shrieked through his head, drowning out the sound of the screams coming from… somewhere.

            The pain began to subside. Now, he couldn't feel anything. The emptiness was worse than the aches, worse than the searing flames of sadness. It was torture. Somehow, he knew that Duet was-

            NO! He would find her and help her. Fighting off the loneliness inside him, he stood. Where was she? The Arabian shambled from room to room, searching for her.

            Not in the kitchen.

            Not in the living room.

            Not in her room… If she wasn't in any of those places, where could she possibly be? Taking a moment to rest and regroup his thoughts, Quatre sat down on the end of Duet's bed and leaned on the window frame. He looked out. It was a beautiful day, one that apparently knew nothing of those living it.

            Duet lived day by day. She never planned ahead. When called irresponsible, she responded with 'If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans' and left it at that. I bet she planned on marrying Duo.

            Quatre's gaze drifted about the back yard, and it was by pure chance that he spotted the limp figure sitting at the base of the old oak tree closest to the house.

            "Duet!" he called. He hurried down the steps and out the back door, but slowed when he neared the tree. "…Duet?" he asked, hesitantly. His steps quickened again until he was at her side.

            "Allah…" the blonde boy gasped. The Washi Ookami pilot's face was hidden in shadows, but her arms gave her away. Blood trickled slowly from the pinpricks on the inside of her elbows, and flowed freely from the gashes on her wrists and chest. A crimson knife told the rest of the tale. It rested serenely in her limp hand, looking horribly out of place against the pale flesh of her palm.

            "Duet! Duet, how could you!? How could you do this…" He shook her, and, realizing that she wouldn't lift her head and blink her innocent sapphire eyes and flash that knowing smile of hers ever again, allowed his sentence to trail off. Hot tears mingled with the still-warm blood that was pooling around the girl, staining the grass.

            Quatre sat next to her, back against the tree as she was, staring blankly upwards. The shock of finding one of his best friends dead, by her own hands nonetheless, was taking its toll. Something was still off, though. There was something that he hadn't found yet, a piece of the puzzle that was still missing. 

            Why. She had wanted whoever found her to know why she died. If she couldn't express herself in the living, she would damn well express herself in death. Quatre stood up and looked around. What was he missing.

            Through tear-filled eyes, he surveyed the scene. The when, where, who, and how were quite clear, but the why…

            He saw it, and realization dealt another blow. On the tree, on THAT tree, Duo and Duet had carved their names and trapped them in a single heart. Now, the edges of the heart were dripping in blood. She had outlined their names and their promise, their _broken_ promise, in her own blood… and added something of her own. 'I still love you."

            It was with horror that Quatre regarded this. What he felt at that moment though could never compare to what Duo felt when Quatre showed him. He had ran inside and pulled the braided boy back out with him, weeping bitterly for both his friends.

            Duo read the message with steadily widening eyes, and fell to his knees before the girl he had once loved. He was choked with sobs. He took the girl in his arms and, cradling her limp form for a moment, placed a kiss on her cold lips.

            "I guess we never understood each other as well as we thought, Duet..."

_~*~Owari~*~_

**Tori: **Damn… Damn, damn, damn, damn, damn!

**Ke: **Damn?

**Tori: **Duet, you should know better! Sometimes, I think you really are a moron!


End file.
